LolliPop Sims 2 Legacies

Recently i was able to see one of my closest friends that lives in Georgia at Pizza King with her husband. I have visited my friend on two different occasions in GA. First time i went to Callaway Gardens to visit the chapel that Taylor Hanson got married to Natalie Bryant in. The second time i was able to meet Ashely Parker Angel at Six Flags over Georgia...this was before that kid was beheaded on the batman ride.

Well being that i am going to be leaving for Ball State...hopefully next fall, and honestly their schedules are crazy in the summer with her sister getting married, ther mission trips to South America so i asked if i could go on my spring break from school. They said.....YES!!!

I went in 2004 and 2006 so this is FOUR years in the making. I am excited because i get to get out of my boring ass town of Richmond and plus i can get some warmth while everyone is freezing in Indiana.

Other news- I stopped talking to my current ex, he wanted me to call him one night and i just didn't call him and haven't called him since..i dont know why i just did. His homewrecker of a fiancee had her bridal shower for her undetermined date of a wedding...i think she just wanted free shit from people. lazy ass anyways. its called get a JOB stupid!!

I am doing great in my classes. He is thinking about coming back next semester but i know that if he comes back, mainly because he's broke and too lazy to get a job and would rather waste 15 bucks in gas and constantly see her over getting a job. So probably she will decide to return too because she HAS to be near him 24/7.

Glad i am out of that relationship.

Anyhoo, i saw New Moon on their opening day,..the 3:20 one. I beat her from seeing it...she saw it a day later...lol
oh well.

life is getting better now. and i just can't wait until next March!

I am thinking about purchasing these stuff packs but Amazon.com has them like overly priced. I was going to buy them next February but honestly i wanted to ask anyone who would read this, if these are worth buying? Or if anyone has a copy of them to send me? Or if i should not waste my time.

Any help would be nice.

10:00am- Got up and watched a few movies for a while before leaving to go to Great Wall for Robin's birthday.

1:00pm-tried to take an hour nap until 2pm...couldn't sleep. Got ready and waited for dad to show up.

3:00pm-drove up to Lynn, got into Mel's car with mom..drove to Indianapolis.

5:30pm--lost...couldn't find venue.

5:40pm-FOUND venue. got into building.

6:30pm-Sherwood opened show

7:00pm-Sherwood show ends..set is taken down

7:15pm-Steeltrain starts

7:45pm-Steel train ends...set is taken down

8:00-Hellogoodbye gets ready for show

8:15pm-Hellogoodbye starts show...hour set

9:15pm-hellogoodbye show ends...set is taken down

9:15-9:45pm- some odd reason there was a long break before hanson

9:45pm- Hanson comes on stage

11pm- Hanson closes show

Events of the night:

*Fan kept saying that she wanted to take "only one picture, only one picture" and would take about several pictures...she had to go through us to get to where she wanted to be. Cost me the picture of Taylor by our side trying to get the crowd pumped and almost ran me into a lady in a wheelchair next to me because she wanted to get through.

*In Hellogoodbye, a couple of fans puked.

*Steeltrain-Hellogoodbye and some of Sherwood came in and sang a song with the band.

*I got another Hanson shirt.

*Issac kept playing photo tag with my sister, she would try to get a picture of him looking at her, and he would always turn when she would snap.

*At the end, Zac climb over his drum set, and Issac leaped from the side, and Zac finished the beat with his drums while jumping off the set.

*In the break of the "If only" song, Hanson started playing "The Simpsons" theme song before finishing song.

The link for the hanson pictures are on my photobucket... http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v244/cchagdes/hanson%20concert/

I had a great time regardless of the mini issues that happened with other fans.

(Just as a head's up, if you want to save my pictures that's fine, but if you post them on websites--PLEASE CREDIT to me.)

So i have to be quick because i dont have much time left on the computer at the library. My recent ex took me home last night, he had borrowed a book and was going to return it but i know him, very forgetful, so i suggested he just take me home, kind of kill two birds with a stone.

I posted my poems that i had posted on here on Facebook. I set them to Private. FIVE second later i get this friend add request from who else...the stalker. the same person who talked trash about me and lies (which my exboyfriend believes and is this supposed christian but cusses like a sailor)  and the same person my idiot of an exboyfriend went to after we broke up.

I denied her, and BLOCKED her.

We come to my house, we were talking, his fake of a fiancee calls, he puts her on speakerphone, i am reading my book because i didn't want to be rude..something she loves doing. So she asks "Charlene, dont you hate getting a ride home from him" and i just said, "hmmm..oh sorry im reading": and my ex hurried up and got off speakerphone. they talked for a minute or two before she got all childish and hung up on him. When that happened he quickly closed his phone and hurried up and put it in his pocket.

What i thought was funny is how he was lying to her saying that he was driving home, which he was still parked at  my house, we were talking about me going to church with a friend, not his fiancee recently, this friend having two kids (a baby boy and girl) before she called. He hurried up and told his fiancee that it was ME that didn't want to get out of the car, like i was being stalkerish, riiiight. He just got backed into a corner and i guess i saw the real him.He even wanted to throw my laptop out too, hmmm over a grand invested in that...i told him i would kick him in the balls if he did that Hopefully for her sake she did see the real him like i saw the real her. As i was leaving, he was hurrying me up, i was thinking to myself, "wow...got to fix it quickly huh..didnt want to do that with me"

The girl dont understand that i was in the picture FIRST, SHE did not want to BACK off. SHE become obsessed with him, i was actually NICE to her. SHE insulted me for no reason or cause except pure jealousy. Now i am getting this vibe from all of this that she thinks i am being a stalker...which i think is funny how i DONT call him, i DONT text him, I DONT go to his house, I ONLY got 3 RIDES from him...three freaking days...wow. She has hated me since she got more obsessed with him. Now i am NOT doing anything but just talking to him, literally just talking..believe me, my grandma is keeping a close eye on me and making sure i dont screw up ever since him and i broke up.

But then life gets really familiar, i BARELY talk to him and already i am called "the other woman" by someone who was FIRST the other woman in MY relationship with him.

So in closing, i blocked her Facebook and Myspace but i have this feeling she will find a way to say what she wants to say to me...and me, since i ACTUALLY care about my education (that's why i get A's and B's and she gets a C-average), i am going to be the bigger person mentally and not get involved in her childish games.

I am NOT letting her win. I posted this blog because i love the block button.

Fake

 

I never thought you could

I never thought you would

You played on my heart strings

Made me believe your tainted lies

 

You had made up your mind

You didn’t believe me at all

Allowed a fake person to pull us apart

You didn’t care, it wasn’t your heart

 

Don’t worry; I’m not fake like her

I don’t act one way to you

Then change the next when you are not here, that’s not me

But you honestly cannot see

 

You told me that you wouldn’t go that way

You promised to my face

Now I look at what I used to have

But oddly I am not mad, I am glad

 

If you wanted to be fake

You got it with her

If you want to be a joke

You got it through your dealings with her

 

You blame me for your life going to hell

But I honestly have to say “oh well”

While she made this fantasy of you and her

I was the one whose life would end up burned

 

Fake people like her, have no friends

She complained how she couldn’t trust people

It’s funny how she can trust you after you hurt me

After you lied to my face, and you kissed HER all over.

 

You are now fake as her; it’s now your title

You can swear that you didn’t do anything wrong on her bible

But just like her, you have become a hypocrite of the faith

Because you allowed yourself to be tempted and let yourself forget your fate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t worry about me

 

I don’t understand why you still think I care what you do

You got someone up your ass to do that for you

I will be fine don’t worry about me

Just watch and see

 

I have done what she has done so many times over

But yet she was quick to do a complete turnover

Once this supposedly nice and Christian girl

An obsessive, superficial person comes forth

 

But yet you say, “Stop talking about her”

Funny how you didn’t say that when it was me getting insulted by her

Having to hear witnesses who you believe to be liars

Even though they had classes with your supposed pal girl

 

It’s funny how she can say something, you believe it

When I have proof, you think I am deceiving it

You tried to make me feel like the school was against me

Funny how my GPA and scholarships say differently

 

I remember telling you that I let you hang out with your friends

There would be no problem, funny how that changes

It’s really hilarious when she whines and cries over it

When you spend time with me, that night I need shirts

 

You think that once you get married, then life will be good

But you don’t understand, you never could

You are going to be married to a liar who made you a fool

And found it necessary to bring HER high school attitude to another school

 

Have fun not getting a degree, have fun dealing with her craziness

I will be fine, I told you many times over and over

You want to rush into so many things, but don’t look at the whole picture

The same picture that I had went through years before

 

I knew that she would use anything negative against me

I called that after I told her about my mistake

You have no idea how much I knew she would think that was funny

Looking at her now, all I see is a pathetic joke of a person

 

You see your freedom from your parents

You wanted your space from the “controlling and nagging” me

But yet, you try to test my first love

It’s funny how your life has become

 

I wish you all the best, I really do

Karma will come back to get you two

What comes around goes around

You are the lying fool

 

Don’t think I will be waiting for you

Because life has better things in store for me that’s the truth

You will hate it when I leave

Funny how you didn’t care when you left me for that obsessive freak

 

What happened once, won’t happen again

 

2003

Two people tried to make my life miserable

Engagement, wedding, it’s all the same

Why did they have to try to hurt me?

 

I did not care about the lying snake anymore

But I guess they wanted to make my year suck some more

It’s quick to try to humiliate me when I was a teen

But as an adult, it’s just the attitude of ignorant fiends

 

It’s funny how I look back at how everything went down

And how I had told you, my former love, that it better not happen again

I told your number one fan the same thing, and she “agreed”

But then quickly she tries to do the same thing to me

 

It’s funny how I acted so professional at the college

She acted like a lost high schooler; it was the plan the whole time

To gain sympathy from people for her lack of friends

The same people she said she did not trust, “those back-stabbing bitches”

 

Now she has you, you completely forgot about me

The only sane person in this equation

Then it starts up again

The same pain

Why can two people be so much of conceited people?

Yet life is so “wonderful” for them

 

You didn’t understand how it had affected me then

You honestly don’t care now

I felt like I was going back into that same feeling

The same issue I had since I was seventeen

 

All FOUR of you, karma will get you

It’s a matter of time

But to get the same shit from you, makes me think you are just like him

How can you both call yourselves men?

 

Same kind of family, almost same living

It’s a mirror image of him just younger

Some day you all will understand

By then, life will destroy your life plans

 

Fifteen all over again

 

It’s funny how you don’t think about things like this

When you become an adult, your past isn’t supposed to follow you

But when it does so much to me

I feel like I am fifteen all over again

 

It’s funny how I can watch someone else do what I did then

And its works for them, the obsession becomes an engagement

That honestly he really didn’t want, she backed him into a corner

But you won’t be hearing that until the marriage is over

 

When did I become fifteen all over again?

It’s not like stay up in August all night watching Fight Club with him

When did I have to deal with this crap once more?

But yet, to you, I am just this supposed whore

 

All you care about at our college is your reputation

Supposedly I made you into a big joke

But it’s interesting how life really is

Just like when I was fifteen, you say that I am bipolar and fucking crazy

 

You and him have the same brother almost, same name

When I walked into your house the first time, I felt I was walking back into time

The whole layout of being there, I was feeling like I was fifteen again

It also ended up with you believing your own lies, like I believed his

 

I didn’t deserve anything that I got then and sure as hell now

I burnt that bridge a long time ago, but it took its toll on my heart and soul

But to see you now, I don’t see the person I once knew

I see that fake ass, conceited, stuttering fool in YOU

 

But that’s just you, my recent love, and all of your crazy ideas not to mention your lies

You said that it was me who was your number one

Now I am not even on your mind, until you feel a threat

When you see me being happy, you want company for your misery

 

You think that calling and texting a person on an hourly basis is normal

That’s funny because when I emailed your “twin” constantly, I was told to get over him

She bugs you and you accept it as being normal, are you even listening to me?

But sadly, all this whole thing cost me was a small drop in my GPA

 

Your GPA and her C-average perfect life, you couldn’t care less.

Your mom respected me so much, you never got that.

You made it to where I felt like I was not good enough for you

Because your stalker was the one person for you

 

 

If you would have been honest from the beginning, it wouldn’t have mattered

But you dragged me on the back of your car of lies for a ride that I knew full well the ending

This wasn’t a one night stand with us; I was more than a sexual fling to you

We dated five months, me and you, until in OCTOBER when she tried to take you from me

 

That’s something she will never understand, she will always be second best, what’s left for you

She can go on wedding sites, profess how much she loved you first and that I was supposedly ancient history

But she doesn’t understand, people have eyes and ears, they see and HEAR everything.

That’s something you will never understand, no matter how much you swear you’re mature than me.

 

So hate me, its funny how you wanted to take me home anytime, and try to get me fishing on your love line

I am NOT going to be that whore that she wants me to be, to show that I am just this home wrecker

Not going to happen. Just forget it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link: http://dove-water1986.livejournal.com/933.html

Excerpt: "My recent ex and I are on speaking terms thankfully due to the fact that his stalker of a fiancee isn't taking summer classes. We have been able to talk outside of school and at school, (its important for the sake of ALL 3 of ours education that we are nice to each other because the school even stated that if there is another confrontation at school with any of them, we are ALL getting kicked out.)
 
Even though i didn't start, it has to be that way, kind of shitty i know. "

Check out the rest at the link!

I thought i make a personal journal outside of lollipoplegacy because i am starting to put my life ramblings on this page and its mainly for sims 2 legacy stories.

here is the lj user name link dove_water1986 

Check it out in a few days if you want to know the updates on the soap opera that is my life.

I was thinking about typing out this blog a while back but I hadn’t played Sims 3 yet to even make a review. First, I finally purchased Sims 3, and well in the process I sold my DS lite game system in the process. Believe me, I wasn’t playing my DS lite and I wanted Sims 3.

Sims 3

Thankfully, the game worked on my laptop. That was one of the main worries due to the fact that the game has a lot of strong needs of a really good graphic card to be able to work. It works fine on my laptop. There are some things I don’t really like about the game.

First, it’s really hard to get a good control on the cameras for picture captures. It took me a good while to slowly get the hang of it. I still don’t have any clue how to get it better.

CORRECTION: I FOUND THE CAMERA MOD FROM SIMPLY_SIMS3 ON MY COMMUNITY FRIENDS LIST. iTS ONE OF THE TABS.

The cheats: I used the cheat box, put help, saw the cheats, no money cheats, no basic cheats, it didn’t have the “PlumbBobToggle off” cheat...I was thinking, “You have to be kidding me”. It’s annoying to see that Plumb Bob every second, minute. I haven’t found a cheat yet to get it removed. I bet I will have to wait until another expansion pack comes out to get that stupid thing off.

CORRECTION: I DID FIND A CHEAT ON MODTHESIMS2.COM

Link:http://www.modthesims.info/showthread.php?t=346667

What I liked about Sims 3 was that there was a choice of hospital or regular birth (for example, shoo fleeing in the house of the Sims-Sims 2).

Being able to go through town, instead of waiting on those dreaded loading screens.

(Regarding the strategy guide: I was only able to afford the game with my GameStop store credit. I will have to wait until I can afford the book to learn more about the game).

Sims 2

When you have played Sims 2 for about 2 years, you get used to all of the stuff it has to offer.

From playing Sims 2 then going to Sims 3, it was a reality shocker.

I like Sims 3 when it comes to creating Sims because it gives you more choices, Sims 2 doesn’t give you much.

Sims 2 (through a bunch of downloads) looks better when it comes to what the Sims look like.

RATING: Sims 3 8.5/10-Its got some features that are better than Sims 2, but its hard to figure out a few things.

Well i know this from experience. not me personally. just from dealing with my ex's now fiancee. A couple of reasons, Cell phones-calling my now ex while driving and not paying attention, always in a hurry, lack of experience driving, the list can go on and on.

I have been slowly getting back into sims 2 but on June 8th, 2009, i start my summer classes which are BOTH online so i am going to take a short break from sims and get to my classes.

I am going to email my instructors before i leave today to see if they already have the syllabus done. I doubt it but you never know.

I just can't wait until my summer classes start.

I have 7 classes left until i am getting my associates in Business Adminstration with the transfer to Ball State.

Oh and in other news, my ex boyfriend and his "stalker" are now ENGAGED after dating FOUR days! She got in a wreck and he gave her a promise ring and then she proposed that same day! Its like huh?, (one of about 8 she has had since starting at the college that we all go to-she graduated last june and started at my college in fall, then found my boyfriend and well, you all know the rest of the story). SHE proposed!

From what i heard, the wedding is on a FIVE YEAR hold and she isn't too thrilled about it.

Oh well, life goes on and i am glad i am free from all of this crap though it is very amusing.
 

Hey everyone. I am back. its been a few months and alot and i mean alot has been going on. 

I will break it into sections.

School-

After transferring from my first college to the college...well across the street, life has been odd and crazy but sometimes in a positive manner. I met at the time a really great guy and we started dating. I made A's and B's my first semester..and FINALLY got a B in Biology.

I ended the semester with a 3.3 GPA.

Three months into my relationship with my now ex, a girl who basically started out as a "friend" starts stalking him, acting like she was a friend but in turn kept calling and texting him and not giving a damn if i was there or not.

Spring semester comes and well it started off with the breakup of me and my now ex. Then the really quick starting of the rumors coming from the stalker's mouth about me when she just met me the last semester. She didn't know me. So after, they start dating and she starts trying to get me to yell at her again...yes i did yell at her once at school, dont regret it but at the same time i was so damn lucky to not get kicked out of school.

I had to get TWO W's in my classes, i passed a 6 wk document processing class early with an A grade because the stalker was in Keyboarding in the SAME room as me and that's where alot of the people who she was talking to about me in other classes told me her bullshit.

I am almost done with my last class which is an online class. I have turned in the rest of the homework and quizzes.

I changed my major to Business Adminstration with a transfer to Ball State University (Muncie, IN) I was an Office Adminstration major.

I haven't spoken to my ex in person like a week before my 23rd birthday. He just turn 21, she's not even 20 yet. Goes to show who's more mature.

I know karma will be a bitch to them because what goes around comes around!

Life-

I am still living with my grandmother and my aunt. They FINALLY got a hid-a-bed so i am not sleeping on a old couch anymore. I get a decent night sleep.

I have been awarded THREE scholarships from my college now, and i used that to get a HP laptop with WIFI. It holds ALL of my sims 2 games and i am only short ONE stuff pack with plenty of room to spare.

I cut my hair, its short now.

I am taking summer classes and i have been applying to other colleges because the college i am going to is a 2-year community college.

I hope to be posting sims 2 stories soon. At the moment i limit my time on my laptop because i need it to last until i go to the other colleges also my grandma's light bill.

I hope you all had a great weekend. I will post something in a few days.

I recently bought the Apartment Life EP with the guide to it. Sadly i wont be able to play it for a while because i still can't hook up my computer. I can't wait until i am able to play it. My boyfriend and i are going on TWO months on the 25th. I am hoping that i can go more than 2 months because alot of my recent relationships have been lastly 2 months and then we would end up breaking up.

Anyhoo, i would give anything to play Sims 2 Apt Life now but i can't.....

what a bummer...

The reason being...no room at my grandma's to hook up my computer and plus that would raise their electricity bill really high...

oh well...

I haven't been online here for a while because of school and i have a new boyfriend now. He's a really nice and sweet guy. I will be getting apartment life after my school money comes but i wont be able to play it until i move out of my grandma's. Anyhoo, i thought i update here,  

First off i wanted to apologize for not letting all of my friends on here know where i have been in the last few days. My dad and i got a major fight again, and my grandma has taken me in.

I am currently moving and i have taken my sims 2 game to her house (to lessen the distraction of the computer) but i still have my computer at my old house.

I am still moving so its going to be a while before i start a new sims 2 game. i have been trying lately to start a story that i can mix with a sims 2 game whenever i do move.

so far, its been interesting.

anyways i am sorry for not posting but i know you all will understand!

Since i will not be able to play The Sims 2 after August 15th, i decided to make a short and condensed version of the resources that i use for my sims. I honestly have these links posted on the Links page on my LJ Community which is basically under the same name as this. Here's the LJ Link: lollipopsims2 and i have another LJ community which i put updates to BOTH this journal and my community one. Its called lollipopupdates

Basically I have been using alot of MATY, Inteen, InSim,S2C, MTS2,Holy Simoloy,The Sims 2 Graveyard and Booty for my downloads.

I use alot of different skins and different cc. I have also been downloading starter homes.

I will eventually have to write down the rest of the links that i use, i do NOT take credit but i will give credit to the people who created  ANY of the CC that i use, UNLESS it is made by me personally and being that i suck at creativity both story and artistic wise, dont be looking for any of my work too.

Like everyone else, i enjoy the use of CC in my game, and i appreciate the time and patience that ALL creators that i have used. If i have not posted links or thanked the creators that i have used, its because with this whole moving situation, i have not been able to really write down all of the creator's name. I know a few but its hard to relocate in Real Life and also to find all of the links to every CC that i use.

Also I am going to be starting classes in the fall at Ivy Tech Community College in Richmond, Indiana where i live and where i will be staying at, i can NOT even hook up my computer and i can't install Sims 2 at school obviously so if i start on a story, and you are interested in it, please realize that i am NOT abandoning it. I can't play Sims 2 after August 15 UNTIL i get my own place and by that time happens, i will be pretty busy to play so if i do update it will be very brief update and it will not be updated for a while.

I apologize ahead of time for this but there is really NOTHING i can do about it, as of August 15, my bed will be my grandma's couch and believe me, its NOT the MOST comfortable place to sleep. Also being woken up by  73 year old and about 50 year old women wont be really fun.

I thought i let everyone know in regards to my resource's post. I am giong to have to put the downloads on a empty cd-r disc as files so i can have them JUST in case when i reinstall my computer *basically rehook it up* i will have the downloads.

I will have to wait on the updates of hacks and all of that, i could try to save them to my jump drives but it would be interesting because i will be using for a short period the computers at my college.

I hope people understand my situation.

I have nothing against the Sims 2 Community websites (websites in general, not just S2C.com) but i found these "secrets" from simsecret that i TOTALLY i agree with.

I am going to post the numbers and the link will be under the cut.

This is NOT to insult anyone, i just found some that i agree with.


What i agree with:
First link:
Number .006-Those damn Darwins crack me up!
Number .008-How i sometimes feel about in S2C or ModtheSims2
Second Link:
Number .026- everytime i read something,its like they dont care about others.
Number .028-i feel that way sometimes.
Number .34 DAMN RIGHT!
Third Link:
Number .005-I like the people over there but lately i have been feeling that they dont like me back because i feel like they think i am an idiot about a help post that i posted on MTS2 about pillow fighting that i was able to figure out through thesims2 and without the complaining that i got from MTS2, i read the whole thing of SimsWiki and i told that i was supposed to do what it said but NOT OF IT had to do with my problem!!
Number .006 see above
Number .011 DAMN RIGHT!!
Link 4:
Number .006
( The link of Sims rants )

I will be moving in with my grandmother until i get on my feet and i wont be able to hook up my computer (i dont know if i can talk her into at least hooking it up so i can work on my school assignments come fall semester) I am going to be crashing on her couch for a good while...

oh boy this is going to be interesting because she dont have any internet.

I am doubting starting a legacy now because by the time i get into it, i will have to move.

I had a question, if i unhook my computer and not have it plugged in for a while, does that delete my Downloads from my Downloads folder?
 
Just thought i let anyone who even reads this know.  

For anyone that knows me really personally, i have had issues with my past and the men in my past. I can remember every detail of every experience either sexually or emotionally that it just amazes me how i can't seem to understand why.

I remember when i was fifteen and i met J*  (name shorten to protect privacy) and J was 17 going on 18 in a few months, this was August 2001. I think back at the first time him and i had a sexual experience together, which was around that time, but it wasn't intercourse. (oral basically) and i think back at what happened after that incident. All of the negative emails calling me crazy, a lying bitch, a joke, a bipolar person because i told on him (due to me getting tired of the emails). NO ONE in my family believed me, they would just believe J like he was a perfect little angel but yet a few months after the first incident him and i had another incident but it wasn't as sexual as the first time, basically a makeout session. 

My parents find out about the second incident about a week later and my parents started to believe me from then on about him. 

Flash Forward to 2003, i am a senior in high school, J is dating his soon to be wife and everyone is keeping it a secret from me even though i had figured out before someone even told me. For some odd reason over my life i have had these visions that i can't explain but i guess i am psychic or i have some psychic in my soul. 

By the Fall of 2003, i was speeding to get enrolled at IUE in my community, Indiana University East, and i was told NOT to go there because J and his soon to be wife was going there. I had already put in the information, paid the application fee, FAFSA sent to them, I had already taken the ACT/SAT in less than 2 months, i WAS going. 

I would end up spending the week at where J lived but not to do anything with him, and i had this vision the first night there that he was going to get engaged. I just knew if that makes any sense. 

So the whole week, i felt then and to this day was just a week to basically try to get me to get over J, which technically i was, but the way that J and his soon to be wife at the time handled their relationship around me was childish, VERY childish. From the minute i found out that they were dating, they had went out of their ways to get my attention and basically make out right in front of me. I mean you got two very egotistic people dating each other who think the world revolves around them so of course they are going to try to make other people's life a living hell. 

When i knew that my vision was coming true was when J mentioned to his soon to be wife when they were basically making out around the whole living room but constantly going near me to get me jealous, i wasn't jealous i was PISSED because they had NO morals or respect for me to at least not flaunt their relationship right in front of me. 

So they get married, on a day that was TWO days and about two years AFTER the last incident with J and me. Not even TWO WEEKS later, since his wife had dropped out to basically support him while he was going to school, i was talking to him, and you have to realize something, the guy is the brother of my sister's husband (my sister didn't marry his brother until AFTER the 2001 incident with J and i) so he is kind of family and well i was talking to him in his tutoring room and it was just me and him and he got really close to me and i knew by the second incident that when he got close to me then we ended up kissing in 2002 and i felt like he was going to kiss me again and well being that i had a VERY small respect for his wife i decided to leave the room after telling J i was very uncomfortable. 

J and I would talk things out after that but for a while after the talk, he would basically casually flirt with me, i would catch him on numerous occasions staring at my shirts mainly where my breasts were, (basically looking at my chest but without actually looking at my breasts) and this one time he actually laid on a table and was giving me this look of "come here" but i did kind of get close to him and he would move, which didn't and still dont make any sense to me now thinking about it. 

 J and his wife would soon moved out of town and he enrolled into a different campus but with the indiana university allumus. I moved on with my life, even though since we were trying to at least be civilized at the last time i saw him, i have hoped to talk to him again but i dont know sometimes if that's a good idea. 

Him and his wife within a year, which again i predicted that would happen too, had a child together. He graduated from college and well is trying to go to nursing school which i think mainly is because he wants to prove to his wife's father who was my OLD gym teacher back in high school that he isn't a loser. That family is basically rich snobs, trust me, i have TRIED to be friends with them. 

Getting to why i feel like a bad person is because there are times where i dream about J and its MORE than friendly dreams and there are times where i still hold on to the notion, very small of course, that him and i could FINALLY go all of the way since we haven't at all. 

But maybe fate might step in because something happened within J's family which made me think about life in a whole different way, because his oldest brother, not my sister's husband, and his wife (the oldest) are seeking a divorce due to his wife's infidelity and what i think is ironic is that J's wife is BEST FRIENDS with the oldest's soon to be ex wife, due to their superficial nature of course and "its all about me" attitude. 

Maybe i am wrong about this but why do i get this notion or maybe hope that maybe J would realize what he had with me could happen again if he ever gets hurt by his wife, but then that makes me a whore or a home-wrecker if i think that way. WAY before he got married, i always wanted to go all of the way with J but it just didn't happen that way, and i accepted that and moved on. But i can't stop these dreams from happening, no matter what i do, they come, i can think about something else and i still think about the "what ifs". 

I told my mom the other day which she doubted me but i have noticed that whenever someone doubts me, i always prove them wrong. For example, i have told people about some of my ex's and that they cheat and the new girlfriends didn't believe me and even though i got myself into the messes that i was in, i did NOT start them. I was a PART of it, but i was not the intital start of it. I took responsbiltiy for my actions, i was the ONLY ONE who told the truth and proved it with evidence which was basically IMs, a outline of that person's apartment, times and dates and locations and also witnesses. 

But back to what i was saying, i told my mom that if J's wife was to cheat on J, he would be trying to get a hold of me faster than lighting which she doubted that would happen. Its not like it hadn't happened before with other ex's. The reason why i said that was not so i could feel more wanted or better than anyone, i just know in my heart that if that was to happen to J, he would want payback and since the only person who everyone thinks was obsessed with him was me, he will try to go to me and butter me up like he did before. I dont doubt it on the basis of what almost happened 2 weeks after J got married. 

In closing, am i a bad person just because i have SOME thoughts about the what ifs with J and i am NOT intentionally hoping that he comes to me but i just feel like i am stuck because no matter what, i would be considered the homewrecker. 

Maybe i am a bad person after all. What do you all think? Comment to this blog and PLEASE understand why i am saying this and be honest but DONT prejudge me.

I think back when i was in high school and all i cared about was writing my autobiography. I liked writing short stories and poems but lately i can't even get inspired to write. I read all of these Sims 2 stories and they are sooo GOOD and then i look at mine and they are shitty. 

I know that i can write a good story, hell for a while i wanted to write a screenplay but i just can't get motivated on anything, not even when it comes to my life. Its like i am drained completely to the point i just dont care anymore. 

I wish sometimes that something would wake me up to where i would start thinking about my life and what i need to do because lately nothing really has. Housing authority was a little bit important, wow i'm number 12 on the list. Ivy Tech class dont start until next month and i wont even get my refund money until October. 

Sometimes i wish i knew what to do because to be honest, i am f*king tired of life...i am not suicidal or anything like that, but i am just BURNT OUT i guess. 

I need to get away from everything but i can't. 

What do you think i should do?

Comment to this entry with your response. 

 I had a few, one i had a whole week and it was basically me and this guy i had fooled around with when i was 15, it replayed what happened for a whole week in my dreams. 

talk about dejavu!